Few hours before election 2019 was supposed to begin, Nigeria’s electoral body, INEC, bails out on the hopeful masses who had been hoping to cast their votes – just as certain partners often do when they have plans with their significant other.
The announcement
which was remorselessly made by the chairman of the body on election
day triggers a feeling of dé-javu across the nation. We have been here
before. There was disappointment in 2011, same thing happened in 2015,
and now in 2019, the same thing happens and that familiar frustration
broods on the nation like a hen covering its eggs under its feathers.
What Nigeria and bad relationships have in common
While this is a national, political matter, a
parallel can be drawn between it and romantic relationships. INEC’s, and
more generally, Nigeria’s relationship with its people feels like being
with a partner who fails at everything they are supposed to get right,
no matter how small or simple such thing is supposed to be; and this
whole drama comes in handy in the discussion about the kind of struggle
you go through and have to deal with regularly when you date such
stressful men or women.
At the start of the relationship, there is usually a potential for things to work out just well. They make you promises [just like INEC did],
say what you want to hear and assure you of their commitment so you hop
into the relationship, ride with the potential for growth and hope for
the best. But soon enough, you realise that your partner is actually
awful at this love thing. You realise that they are either incapable, or
they intentionally choose to make simple relationship provisions like
care, affection, communication, and looking out for you so scarce that
you question their intentions when they actually express or show these
things - just like how Nigerians become suspicious when electricity, a
very basic need in a 21st century society which should be on
24/7, is available for more than 15 hours at a stretch. Other basic
human needs like security, good water, roads and adequate infrastructure
are just as obviously absent.
In a relationship with a partner who
disappoints, of course you can’t bank on them to get anything right or
remember to play their part. You will be stressed to no small measure as
they are either forgetting or refusing to pay attention to simple
things that can make you happy. Your special days don’t mean much to
such partner, they make you feel all alone.
When you are in a relationship and you play
your part, you expect your partner to do the same. When you show love
and display affection to him or her in ways they like, you expect them
to do same. That is how good relationships work. That’s how they stay
healthy and actually grow. But of course, some partners rarely play
their part or do so only sparingly - just like how we pay taxes to
Nigeria and get next to nothing in return [I have been paying mine
unfailingly since I got my first job].
What often happens with people in bad
relationships, especially women, is that after sticking around, hoping
that the man would change for good, it gets to a stage that it actually becomes difficult and really scary to leave
in order to restart with someone else. People often look at the effort
they’ve put in, how much time they invested in that relationship and
many times, this is what usually prompts them to stay, as opposed to
being genuinely happy in the relationship.
The hopes of the man living up to the
potential they saw at the beginning becomes really slim but they still
cling anyway. Because, as the saying goes… the devil you know is better than the angel you’ve not seen.
Sure, Nigerians also know a thing or
two about being stuck in a bad relationship. As crappy as the government
has been over the years, there isn’t much that a Nigerian can do apart
from vote every four years and hope things actually change or apply for a visa to a saner country and never return except for annual Christmas celebrations.
When you are with a partner who seems to never
bother to get anything right or put in any reasonable effort to do
right by you, it’s possible to stop bothering them. You just become
either resentful or totally indifferent to them in order to stay sane
and maintain whatever is left of your inner peace.
You need to get out
Going by public opinion being expressed on the
streets and especially on social media, the disconnect and indifference
to the country from its citizenry is actually at an all-time high and
if everyone who so desires can actually lay their hands on visas to
other countries – Canada, especially - just to get away from Nigeria for
good, I won’t be surprised if the population of the country falls to
less than half of the present count before the end of one year. That’s
how much people desire to get out of what has once been [accurately?] described as a shithole.
The similarities between a terrible romantic
relationship and what Nigerians have with the government are obvious and
continue to feel realer with each ‘emotional abuse’ the government
metes out on its people.
The difference, however, and why you are
better in a bad relationship than being a citizen of Nigeria, is that
the power to leave is in your hand. You can leave whenever you truly
choose to. It’s impossible to renounce your citizenship. You can
renounce your relationship in the pursuit of happiness.
And if you are in one right now or find yourself in one in the future, that is exactly what you need to do.
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